My First Post!
My life has never been easy. Don’t get me wrong I know it’s never easy for anyone and there’s a lot of people more worse off than I…I’m just saying for me, it’s been really hard.
I was reading a blog in which this person spoke of looking back on a happy child hood memory, wishing they could return to that time of simplicity and happiness.
When I look back, the only memories that come to mind are that of asking my mum, when I was 5 years old, to plait my hair for my first school photo. She was too immobilised by drugs to accomplish the task and, dragging me across the room by my hair, screamed at me for being so difficult.
I’ve learnt a lot in my 21 years… while some were 11, they’d have their parents helping them to learn their times tables; when I was 11, I was helping my mum while she was fitting on the bathroom floor from a heroin overdose.
I wish I could say things got easier from here…not to say nothing’s changed. I am almost 22 and working a somewhat successful job, in the process of making something of myself…and yet I still come home to the same process of hiding in my bedroom when mums demons come out to play, crying myself to sleep at night. Tonight I decided enough is enough. I have convinced myself at this very moment that this is a turning point for me.
This blog isn’t intended to receive pity or sympathy. Anyone who knows me is aware I’ve developed a strong head and I am, in some ways, thankful for the cards I’ve been dealt because if I can make it 21 years through this then I can handle whatever cruel obstacles life intends to throw at me.
I’m doing this to inspire, motivate and support myself and anyone else out there who might need it. You can live in an ugly world but still find its beauty. If you choose seek out ugly, know that’s all you’ll ever get, even if you don’t mean to. Not me though, not anymore.
So to any of you out there that can relate to my story, I am here to tell you that this doesn’t have to be it for us. I recently saw the film Wild and there was one line that really embedded itself in me:
“You Can Put Yourself In The Way Of Beauty”
This line made me wake up to myself and I am now on the path to finding my best self and the beauty of life that we’ve been gifted in this mad world. If you would like to join me I’d be honoured whether it’s to give or receive advice, support or just some motivation; I’m here for you and I’m always thankful to have you here for me 🙂